June 29, 2015 in feel-good, Uncategorized

Oh, uh, hey guys.  You like how I kinda escaped and stopped writing, emailing, updating, and posting without any notice?  For like, 15 months?

Stealthy, I know.

I’ve been up to nothing more (or less) noteworthy than simply living my life.  I worked with a mother-arfing brilliant coach who helped whip my beliefs about money into shape.  I went on a job hunt and landed a gig I still go all googly-eyed for every morning, nearly tripling my income in the process.  I learned what that 5-days-a-week, 8-hours-a-day thing feels like (turns out I like it more than I thought I would).  I went to SoCal to commune with horses for a few days (believe it).  I made a shit-ton of awesome new friends.  I got a rad new tattoo.  I completely stopped exercising and then completely started exercising, fueled by the desire to not-die at a half marathon I’ll run in August.  I had a bunch of teeth yanked out of my mouth while subsequently navigating the magic that is “Dental Insurance,” while also navigating the craziness that is “hardcore prescription pain meds” while also navigating “traveling cross-country during the Holidays.”  I traipsed about Europe with my partner, inspiring a veritable renaissance of wanderlust I thought I was “too broke” to ever enjoy feeding again.  I got promoted.  I hugged a lot, cried a bunch, sang more karaoke than ever before, rode a roller coaster for the first time in my adult life, and met lots of great dogs.  It’s been real, for real.

It’s a little weird, I’ll admit, to return to something that’s been sitting un-returned-to for so long, and with so many external factors having changed, but there’s one thing that makes it pretty easy to pop back in and say “hi.”

And that’s like, like the great BSB, I was #NeverGone.

The whole time, yes, I’ve been coaching.  And yes, I’ve been learning.  But most importantly, I’ve been working like a motherwoofer to consistently check back in, and really take stock of the answers to the question “what would Emily do?”

Because I’ll tell ya, a year and a half ago, if you told me I’d find happiness in a 40-hour-a-week office job, I’d have slapped you, or at least unfriended you on Instagram.

If you’d told me I’d be content to put coaching on the back-burner, I’d have spit in your goofy eye.

If you’d told me I’d gain 15lbs and not freak out about it, I’d have laughed and then quietly ugly cried in the confines of some dressing room somewhere.

And yet, here I am, and – to borrow an analogy from some wise ladies I know – I feel so much more like I’m driving the center lane of my own road than ever before.

How did that happen?  How did I go from thinking I’d only be happy with the 21-year-old dream of my coolest adult self (the world-traveling, paycheck-to-paycheck, psuedo-polyamorous, freelancing, acting, romantic yogi with facial piercings and massive following of fellow soulful gypsy self-development junky followers) to being happy now (with my office job and boyfriend I want to marry and dog and cat and steady income and permanent address and dental insurance and coaching blog I haven’t updated in 15 months)?  How did I let so much fall away without feeling like I was leaving anything by the wayside?

That simple, unbelievably silly-sounding question, has saved me from getting swept away in the tornados in my brain so many times in the last year.  ”What would Emily do?”   As in, if I didn’t have all these thoughts about what I should want, and who I should want to be, and what kind of person I wanted other people to think I was – then what would I do?  As in, if I weren’t spending so much time obsessing about becoming some future, crazysexycooler, Emily version 2.0, what would I be doing instead, as the person I am, right now?  As in, if I were outside of my own body, watching myself fret over all the myriad huge choices inherent to every day life, would I really say “the only path to your truest self is the specific one you invented for yourself when you were 19″?  Or would I tell myself to calm the fuck down and take a bath or something?

Well, if it answers the question, I’ve taken a lot of baths in the last year.

What would Emily – real, middle-of-the-lane, actual right now Emily – do?  That’s the rub.  That’s the gold.  That’s home.  And the answer?

-She’d surprise herself in the name of her own happiness.
-She’d re-prioritize in the name of prioritizing herself.
-She’d walk away from what she was used to if it meant walking towards something she needed to gain.
-And once she’d gained it, she’d come back and share it with her friends.

And at least today, right now, that’s what I’ve learned I’d do.  What about you?